The Avatar Lover – Couples seeking improved relationships
Remember that poignant part in the movie Avatar, when he looks at her and says “I SEEEEE you”, and she looks at him and says, “I SEEEEE you”? That is the magical moment when the two lovers actually have a epiphany and feel a cosmic closeness they have never felt before. Suddenly they truly see and understand the essence of the person standing in front of them.
But many relationships are a far cry from the closeness that was achieved in the movie, and our lives are far from fairytales. You’ve just had another argument with your partner. This time it escalated into a ballistic episode. you feel exasperated and confused. What went wrong? You wonder who this stranger is that you married and how you are going to regain the passion and love you once felt. Your partner has become The Avatar Lover. The alien, the stranger. Your relationship is an endless cycle of ups and downs, but the arguments are getting more frequent and escalating. You feel trapped and just want to withdraw or get away. Judi Wolder at Cedar Light Life Coaching in Orange County can help.
It’s now time to learn about your partner, what makes them who they are. To really SEE each other. A common misconception is that your partner is responsible for your anger or sadness. But usually this is not the case. Very often your partner does not know what he/she did to trigger your emotions. What goes on inside of us – the essence of the people we have become from life experiences is really what caused the upset. Every life experience creates a reaction and an adaptation and our adaptations are there to protect us, but unfortunately sometimes our brains perceive threats that are not really there. This is not to minimize your feelings or to dismiss them. Your feelings are very real and your partner must take note. The problem is, we have a tendency to make our partner feel wrong and that creates more anger, mistrust and pain. For men, it feels like they can never do anything right. For women, the common reaction is feeling guilty and bad about themselves. Women really just want to be understood and men just want their women to not be so complicated!
That is why you need to understand the alien in your house. You need to get to know your partner, their deepest fears and what makes them truly happy, When we can see the world from their perspective and talk the language of emotions and not about who did what or who was wrong, then we can achieve a deeply satisfying marriage or relationship. A relationship where we can truly say “I SEEE you” and understand your partner completely. There is a difference between looking and seeing and between hearing and listening. Achieving this means that each partner needs to become more self aware so that he/she can communicate who they are, where they have come from and what their needs are in the relationship. Both partners also need to learn to become more open to and accepting of the other’s perspective, listen, reflect and talk the language of love.
Judi Wolder at Cedar Light Life Coaching is your relationship coach and can provide marriage therapy. She also gives classes on the topic. To discover the three easy steps to creating ever lasting love, join her meetup – The Avatar Lover.
If you want to become more powerful in your marriage or relationship, Contact Judi Wolder at Cedar Light Life Coaching: judiwolder@gmail.com/ 9497355502 for private sessions.
Join our meetup The Avatar Lover:
- Try these 6 Easy Meditations - December 29, 2016
- The Avatar Lover – Couples seeking improved relationships - December 21, 2016
- 5 Steps to Joy – Learn how: with your Life Coach in Orange County - April 5, 2016
