Rising Above the Storm

December 8, 2014| Judi Wolder | Cancer 0

Some situations are a waiting game – what matters most is the patience and the willingness to continue to fight the fight. For if our patience and resilience runs out, we lose the battle and succumb to that presence lurking in the hallways – that dark cloud, waiting to take us down.

One particularly bad day for us during my daughter’s chemotherapy, was when she came down with a high fever. She was having Chemotherapy and radiation simultaneously and was weighing a mere 83Lbs. We were out of our comfort zone staying in Los Angeles in an apartment provided by our Medical Insurance. Far from loving family and in a strange city, with an incredibly sick daughter, I was advised by the doctor that a faster way to get her into hospital to treat the infection would be to go to the ER first. This way, the doctor said, she would get onto antibiotics sooner. The doctor’s sense of urgency was evident when he suggested this. So we were placed in a room in ER, and set up by a nurse who entered my daughte’s name and details and case information into the system. She announced that the ER doctor would be coming in shortly. My daughter was weak and pale she had a high fever and time seemed to go by so slowly. Nevertheless, we waited patiently. And waited….. and waited. Two hours, three hours three and half hours, four hours. I started to panic, surely we had to treat for possible infections before she went into toxic shock? During tha 4 hour interval, I would go out intermittently to find out when the doctor was coming. The pretentious pseudo-sweet responses were always the same; “The doctor will be there shortly”.

There comes a point when enough is enough for a mother. When social etiquette goes out the window and a fight becomes imminent for the sake of her child. I am usually a polite person. I am usually patient and respectful, but there are extreme circumstances that push us beyond those social boundaries. And this was such a moment. I charged out of her room, found her nurse and kicked up a storm. This time she jerked into action and said she would see what was taking the doctor so long. I began hyper- ventilating finding breathing difficult. The room got blurry and I felt claustrophobic. I had to get out of there – that place, I needed fresh air. I walked down the hallway at the ER. The sights and sounds I experienced that day, I will never forget. There were people waiting in stretchers along the one wall. Some had empty, blank expressions on their faces, some were passed out from drugs and others had contorted twisted faces as they were enduring physical pain. Glancing into rooms beyond half-closed curtains, I saw more sick people with grey, pasty skin tones. This was a place it seemed where humanity was wasting away. I wanted to be sick I made my way to the nearest exit and as I crossed the threshold, I reached my hand towards the wall for support and gasped in the fresh air. Completely overwhelmed, I leaned on that wall and cried. Words came to my mind that reflected my feelings of frustration. “I can’t handle this”, “I can’t go on”, “I am sick of being in a place where death lurks”. I cried and cried and the release of emotion coupled with the fresh air, restored me. Once I had regained my composure and my sanity, I went back in. Back to face the nightmare… the unknown…

Thankfully, back in the ER room, there was the nurse and the doctor tending to my daughter.

This experience was profound. In extreme circumstances, I realized the strength and resilience I had. I learned that anger can sometimes be an advantage in getting your needs met. I learned that my voice and words gave me power to make changes and get a response. Throw manners out the door and etiquette out the window when you really need to. I learned that at times it becomes necessary not to withhold emotions, that expressing them through cries and tears restored me and unleashed the pain I was holding within. When you have just about given up, allow yourself to express your emotions, acknowledge your pain, frustration and anger, for by doing so, you will have the strength to go back and rise above the storm.

Stop the emotional roller coaster. Learn how to manage emotions by acknowledging them and not suppressing them and yet, not getting the better of you. At Cedar Light Life Coaching, you will learn how to rise above the storms in your life in a safe, non-judgmental environment. You will be become aware of your immense capabilities and learn how to tap into them to lead a balanced life. Serving the Irvine, Tustin and Santa Ana area. Judi Wolder is your Life Coach in Orange County.

Share this: Facebook Twitter Google+ Pinterest